I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
