i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
