We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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