im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
