I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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