how can u be prego again
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
