My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The uberlube is also flammable
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize