you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
