i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
