; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
