so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
