I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
