I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
