if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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