hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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