I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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