Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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