the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
