How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
