Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
