happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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