jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
