Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
where does the pee come out of this thing
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
being pregnant is like rehab
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
