I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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