Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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