There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
