How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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