so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
