Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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