thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize