you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
