I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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