dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
