you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
