took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
