he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
