I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
