there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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