your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
why is half of my head shaved?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
