You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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