Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
