So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize