oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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