dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
