I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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