Grow some girl-balls and come out already
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize