the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
