So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
