dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
