just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Operation Purity has been aborted
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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