She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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