Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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