Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize