just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
