he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
