you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
