Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
