Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
where are you?
Hypothermia
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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