I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
