Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize