my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
