Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
