No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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