its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
