So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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