I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
