I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
