I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
