we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
