pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
