these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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