just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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