The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
