u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
