I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
