Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
