ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
