p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
