I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
