i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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