I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize