Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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