Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
