This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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