Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
