what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
