does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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